My name, you ask?
You are dying to know, I can tell.
For I have watched you. I have seen you warring against yourself since the beginning of time, spilling your own blood for the right to call me by the names of your choosing.
Part of you has imagined me as legion, or built a pantheon made of aspects of me, while another part of you insists and swears by the blade of your sword that I am one and only one.
None of them are true.
Impossible, you say? There are records from other ages that show that I have spoken and given you my true name? And you believe these records based on the authority of…yourself? Really now. Let us dispense with such infantile notions. You have grown too big for the swaddle of your own beliefs.
Oh, but in a universe of infinite possibilities, you say, surely someone has uttered my true name, even if just by accident. But no, not once. And I am neither one in number nor any multiple thereof.
Indeed, you name-callers dwell in infinite, unfathomable space, and that space dwells within you. There has been no time when this wasn’t so, nor will there ever be. The potential and possibilities of your universe are indeed limitless. But when you open your mouth to describe me or count my appearances, you confine yourself to a small box. I am present in this boxy world of names and numbers too, but I cannot be contained by them. Nothing you are capable of saying approaches the infinite.
Consider the number of beings that are alive right now in your world. This number may be staggeringly large on the human scale, but still it is a number. To know me, you must forget all numbers.
Picture the grains of sand on all of Gaia’s beaches, or drops of water in her oceans. These numbers added together are not a single step in the direction of infinity. It is equally futile to give me a name.
Ever since human beings began measuring time (which, incidentally, is when it began), you have wondered about my true name, and asked me to reveal my face. I have said many times in different ways: you will see my face when you merely open your eyes. But all of your names, like grains of sand and drops of water before a numberless space, are towers built to reach the heavens –they all fall short of me.
I am beyond all measurements of time and space. I am before anything was, and beyond when anything will be. I am above up, and below down. I am farther than the farthest conceivable edge of the known universe. I am closer than your heartbeat.
You may imagine that I created you, and in a sense that is true, but not like a potter creates a pot. You cannot contain me in your boxes nor separate me from what I am. I create you like the ocean creates waves, like a dancer creates a dance. Let go of this crackpot idea that you are spun from a wheel you have never seen, for if there is such a wheel, it is the same substance as you. What you are is what I am, and more, for I am also the empty space around you and within you. I spin my own essence into beings of incomprehensible diversity and complexity. I create these beings from myself, and return them into non-being in a cycle with neither beginning nor end. Beings come and beings vanish; they never leave my midst. They all remain Whole within me. I am that. You are that too.
So, for this moment, lose all concept of names and numbers. Stop searching for me, and feel my presence within your being, in the space around you, in everything your five senses are bringing to you right now and all your thoughts about them. Feel the ecstatic nature of my being within you, within all of creation, because I love to be what I am, and I am to be what I love. For I so love you that I have given you the chance to lose me in your own mind, and feel the exhilarating joy of rediscovering what you never really lost.